Memoirs !!

Tu meri zindagi ki kitaab ka wo muda hua panna hai jisse aage ki kitab maine nahi padhi.
Tu mera aaj ka din hai jise maine jeeya hai aur usse aage kya hoga mujhe pata nahi
Pata nahi kyu tum mere dil ke maidaan me raaste dhundh rahe ho, kya nahi jaante ki tum pahle ho yahan ?
Kisi ke nishaan nahi milenge tumhe
Khud ke raaste banao,apne pyaar ke nishaan chodo,
Tum to ek kiran se ho....ek rang se..
Main paani ki boond
Mujhe chuoge to apne aap ke andekhe anjaane pahlu aur rang jaan jaoge
Tum ho wo mukaam jisse meri zindagi do hisso me bat gayi hai...
Ek wo jab tak tum se nahi mili thi....
Ek tumse milne ke baad .....
Tum to mera tajurba ho.....Jo sirf mera hai...Achhe ya bure me main tumko nahi baant sakti....
Tum bas ho.... Tumhara hona hi kafi hai....
Tum to mere liye paani se ho ....jiski talab koi aur nahi mita sakta....
Tum to bas tum ho....aur bas tumhi ho....jahan kahin b ho umeed hai jaisa sochti hu waise hi ho !!

Happy New Year :)

naye saal se umeed kuch aisi hai meri.....
purani neendon me naye khwaab mile mujhe...
aur naye khwaabon me mile wo mujhe poora karne wali baat
puraane chehro me ek nayi taazgi mile mujhe....
aur naye chehro me wo purana, jaana pehchana pyaar..
naye mod pe mile wo hamsafar jo jindagi bhar saath de...
aur nayi silwaton par wahi jaana pehchana mehboob....
naye shauk milen mujhe .....
aur naye shauk me wahi purana ehsaas-e- behtari....
nayi muhobbat bhi mile mujhe  har taraf se .....
aur mile kuch naya aur kuch  purana junoon....
naye waqt ke saath chalu main ....
aur mere saath chale wo purane haseen lamhe....aur kuch naye ache lamho ki umeed ...
dhundhu main wo jo mujhe kabhi mila nahi....
aur naya waqt leke aaye mere liye aisa kuch jaisa maine kabhi socha b nahi...
nayi mushkilen b hongi naye safar me....
naye andhere honge aas pass...nayi bhawnaon ke bhanwar bhi....
aur milenge naye honsle bhi..
kuch puraane dard b honge..kuch purani dawa b ....
kuch inqelabi b hoga aur kuch roj marrah bhi...
kuch nayi galtiyan b ham karenge...
kuch purani dohraenge bhi....
kuch sahi faisle b ham lenge ....
inhi sab se mil ke ban jaegi jindagi sahi bhi...
kuch naye dost bhi banenge jo har khushi ka hissa honge...
aur banenge kuch naye dushman bhi jo hamare har jashn me khud ko jala ke roshni karenge..
bahut kuch hoga socha samjha...
lekin jyada tadaad hogi itefaaqon ki ....
ek jindagi abhi "tumhari" hai...ek jindagi abhi "meri" hai...
aaega is naye waqt me ek din aisa  jab ek jindagi hogi "hamari" bhi...
:) 
happy new year ....:) 

confessions of a happy mind :)

About today i can say for sure that it was a nice day....
.went to a place which i like ...
bought 2 books....Ruskin Bond and Garcia :)   .
..saw paintings..
..talked to a dear friend about books...feeling ..and places..
..and roamed around in Delhi....
Sometimes I thank God because I can be happy with less....i mean roaming around and chatting with friends makes me happy...:) :) 
went to gym...I just love myself when i go to gym..its like the best thing i can do to myself after studying of course.... :) 


now somethings i want to say ...straight from the GUT and HEART :D 

I don't know why my friends ( even others sometimes) think that i am impatient or i rush into things....childish...and other similar adjectives they use....I just want to say that its my pace ....i mean i do not have a life time to explore one emotion or one person....i just have few moments....i make my decisions fast...so what if i am wrong sometimes....so what i am hurt...its ok...when i do such things i know what the worst case scenario's can be....
I don't want my heart to be a graveyard or even a waiting room....i just cant let emotions sit there for ever.....i have to find a outlet....so i think its better to vomit them out than to let them rot there in my heart....my feelings deserve a expression...
I  am not committing a sin by expressing my love...or my anger.... feelings change...people change....time acts very swiftly....
I am not ashamed of throwing fits for the things i want...i did that when i was a kid....there is a kid in me even now....ok i am childish sometimes....but just tell me how ur elderly-ness has helped u ? just tell me how u r better than i m.....U also had fun and u were also hurt.....same stands true for me....
I am just happy the way I am...and it can never mean that i do not want to improvise....but there is a way...a better way...teach me....be with me to tell me that no you should not touch the fire....i will learn....invest some time ...invest some better part of your life in me....we will be good....we will be there for each other for ever....

emotional exaggeration !! heavy dose :P

Jaane kyu wo lafz nahi milte jo tujhe bayan kare
Jaane kyu wo yaad nahi milti jo hansa de
Jaane kyu wo insaan nahi milta jo mujhme tha
Jaane kyu wo waqt nahi milta jo sahi tha
Jaane kyu koi sawal nahi milta teri jubaan se
Jaane kyu kabhi koi jawab meri kalam nahi likhti
Jaane kyu tu fir se wahi apna hai jo
paraye ki jarurat mehsoos karaega
Jaane kyu tu wahi shaks hai jo mujhe fir se tod jaega
Jaane ye kaisi narajgi h khud se
Jaane kab tak ye khushi ka bhula
ehsaas mujhe rulaega
Jaane kab ye suraj khud ko bujhaega
Jaane kab insaan apne aap ko sirf insaan samjhega
Jaane kab wo khuda  kisi khuda ki tarah sab acha kar dega !!!!

Soliloquy of Mr. Sento :P :)

Wo mera us shiddat se tujhe chahna
aur tera berukhi ki misaal ban jana !
Wo mera har baat pe tujhe sochna...
aur tera khayal me b mujhe tanha chhod jana !
Wo meri har ehsaas me tujhe mehsoos karne ki koshish..
aur wo tera har mulaqat pe pathar ho jana !
Yaad aata hai mera khud ko samjhana ki ek din tu mera ho jaega....
fir yaad aata hai tera mujhe samjhana ki main waqt ke sath tujhe b bhool jaunga !
Kitna masoom lagta tha meri tujhe khush rakhne ki har koshish ka 
tujhe ittefaaq lagna !
Wo tera har us cheej ko ahmiyat dena jo kabhi kisi ek ki nahi hoti...
aur wo mera sirf tera ho ke rahna !
Wo tera duniya me kisi apne ko dhundhne ki koshish..
aur wo mera tujh me apni duniya dhundhna..!
Wo meri tera har rang  dekhne ki chahat....
aur tera bas  ek ajnabi hona !
Wo meri bebasi ki main dil ka haal tujhe na suna pau...
aur tera mujhe shayar kahna !

Fitrat aur Waqt !!

Hoga kuch aisa bhi ki tera vazood badal jayega..
ateet se aise mat jud nahi to 
Tareekh ban jaega..!
Purane khandhar me khushi dhundhega to 
sapno ki imarate banane ka waqt nikal jaega..!
Dil ke ehsaas samander ke thahre paani se hain...
unhe mat choo....wo ehsaas machal jaega.!
Mat dekh usko is najar se...
ishq ho jaega...!
Har baar kisi anubhav ko dohraane me hi khushi nahi mil sakti..
nayepan ki umeed rakh ...usme hi jindagi ki bachi hui khushiyan payega..
Ye gam to andhera hai ...chahe kitna ghana..
muskurahaton ki roshni kar ..chala jaega..!
In sannaato se kaisa dar...
ek hansi ka faasla hai ye bhi tanha rah jaega..!
Zid mat kar kisi ek cheej ko paane ki..
 Tu koi chhota baccha nahi ki zid karne se sab  mil jaega..!
Wo insaan jispe  tu apni muhoobbat diye jaata hai 
gar uske dil ka pyala chota hua to chalak jaega !
Chhed wali kashti me sawaar hai is waqt
nahi taira to doob jaega !
Ummeed rakhni hai to khuda se rakh insaano se nahi
tere daaman me na samaye wo itni khushi de jaega !
Sach jaanna hai to gahrayi me utar
upar se dekhega to jhuth hi payega..!
"Kya hua aaj akela hai to...
kya hua tere apne b saath nahi to...
hujoom ka kya hai wo to janaaje pe b jut jaega !"
Kuch bure lamho ko yaad karke jindagi ko kosna theek nahi
waqt tera tujhse naraj ho jaega !
Chhod de ye sab insaani fitrate...
nikal pad us dagar pe jahan ho tu aisa
tera har raaj keetab aur 
tera kiya har kaam itihaas  ban jaega...!!

We the hypocrites !!

Heights of hypocrisy : 

                              

   1. A being claimed to be both man and woman(Shiva),(worshiped ...but we hate gays/ lesbians/third sex.)....               

2  A 55 year old man( Prophet Muhammad)  marries a 9 year old girl(Ayesha)..he already had 13 wives at that time..(also worshiped ....but a female will be stoned to death if she is not loyal to his only husband )

                

 3   Mother of a son but still virgin( Mary)( what if every unmarried mother gives this excuse ?? I guess we will have lot of sons of God than)

P.S.: views are strictly personal...

the incidences which force u to think on religious lines

Today when i was watching the baba ramdev satyagrah on tv, i also came to know about what shah ruk khan and salman khan had to say about him. I also felt a odd when the fact that ramdev, just because he is a yoga guru,whatever he does necessarily be related to religion.Why ? is he asking you to stop polygamy ? Is he asking you to stop cow slaughter ? Is he asking your women not to wear burqa ? The only thing on his agenda was "corruption".Everybody seems to have forgotten the cause. Good for government though.
The ramdev issue diverted attention from Jan lok pall bill and now this communal thing will divert our attention from fight against corruption.
I like every Indian majority is sick and tired of minority appeasement. This is our history. We are very much medieval. Minority appeasement was a doctrine first by the English to divide us and rule.Now out governments are doing nothing better than that. They are only trying to find out new lines to divide people.Now on gender basis,age basis,rural urban ....the list is end less. They are trying to find out every possible natural or man made difference among individuals so that they can use it to their advantage.
The fight of religion and modernity is not new.The Europeans who project them self as epitome of rationality must not forget the period of dark age when Copernicus,gallelio  and many other scientists were killed just because they questioned the church.


One more thing I would like to point out here is the religion,the values etc etc...are always the burden of lower rung, eg Benajir bhutto,Sheikh Hasina, ruled the majority muslim countries.
In India for eg.Khap panchayat will kill the innocent poor couples but will worship sonia gandhi even if it was a inter-racial,inter-religion marriage.Nobody bothers about the moralities(if there are any) of Ambani's and Tata's. It is the middle class who forces the moral boundaries on itself.
  I don't believe in what all Karl Marx said but his view point about religion are for sure closest to my heart.
It indeed is a opium of masses which keeps them high.....a high which don't let them feel the real pain 

Love ...life...mind..heart...convictions... u ..friends ...and me...

Good news for me...after a long time.... I finally managed to pass a exam that included maths... aaaaaahhhh what a relief .... seriously maths scared the hell out of me....but this time i did well not because now I am a champion in maths but the reason was very simple : exam was easy :) ....Yes I am talking about my civil services prelims..


one more thing i noticed is your happiness is not completely filling if your loved one or someone very dear to you did not fair well . My happiness and euphoria of result was short lived first because  my very dear friend who was way more intelligent and hard working than me could not get through and secondly I passed this exam last year as well... crossing the same milestone again is not that great of a satisfaction..not for me at least.


I tried to search for happiness in some lost causes ....lol it looks funny now...when u meet someone very dear to you after a long long time....8 months to be specific...lots of ups and downs in between but the invisible string of love/care/affinity existed. It felt good...very good indeed.... it felt like all worries were gone...feeling of sort of bliss...m not sure it was bliss or some hormonal phenomenon because i do not know the difference between the two. The carnival went on for a day.....and then something happened...something which broke my deep convictions...something which took away what all i had at that time...
a complete sense of disbelief....a sense of emptiness.... something or should i say the only thing which i claimed to be mine was not mine anymore....it belonged to someone else...I remember my pledges of fighting with destiny  if it came in my way of getting it....i remember my anger for the world when it tried to tell me that i can not have what i want...everything was in front of my eyes...a movie was going on...
Loving someone is like raising a kid....you love the kid with all your heart...you do not see anything wrong or bad in it....it seems nature's best gift...but the difference between a kid and love is...
a kid grows ....but love changes...it need not grow...it may diminish ....my love diminished with time....lack of time...difference of priorities....and many more complications made it fade away...i wont say it died its natural death...but it died for sure....
For me it was like my mother calling someone else her daughter...it was like my father telling someone else that i love u aalu ...it was like zulu and nikhil calling someone else their didu ....
Of course I was in despair.... i needed someone.....someone who can make me believe all is going to be well....i met a very good friend of mine...she is always there....i m so thankful to God for my friends existence..
I came out of the shock wave....i realized that my friends are all what i need.....
God always sends a angel in my hour of need.....i feel lucky...i feel blessed...thank U God...lov u

Imagination land :)

great expectations :)

Nikhil (my younger brother) is in Kota. The place which gives us yearly harvest of the bestest engineers in town. He is obviously not having a good time there. He is not a geek and never have worked his ass off in studies in last 10 years, things are bound to be tough. 
He calls me everyday...sometime twice or thrice... firing all kind of questions...doubts ....etc etc....
During normal days its fine to give him funda's about how to manage time...how to remain emotionally stable...how to avoid the stupid prick friends... but sometimes when I myself feeling bad...down and out ...and he calls up....i feel " oh God" now what....
At times like these I have two options ... first is to give him a half hearted lecture....the clichéd principles and all what he already know ...and save my face this way.....second option : I tell him that Nik I will call you after some time....i ask for time because I want to tell him the things in which I truly believe. First I have to pump up myself....to get out of the sickening attitude...the miserable pathetic mental state which i had forced on myself.... because if tell him lies...if i tell him the things in which i don't believe,he soon will get that vibe...that didu is lying.


I feel its my moral responsibility to live the way i advise him to live.In this way it helps us both.I promise myself every time i talk to him that i will be the best sister in the world. I would give him every reason to believe that whenever he is in trouble he can call me and i also want his faith to be unbroken...i want him to believe that yes didu can help me out.
This  in turn gives me the strength to be strong..to move on....to know that sometimes you have to be the light house..u cant stop shining...u matter a lot more than u think...there are lot many reasons for u to move on.
Love u my crazy diamond...(nikhil) :) love you for broadening the meanings of my existence. Love you for giving me the strength unknowingly.
Thank u God...i love u ...and u know u love me too ....:) cheers...

Mean it when you say " IT DOES NOT MATTER"

I tried to sleep early today...my schedule these days is of a nocturnal....i sleep around 5am and wake up around 1pm.But of course could not sleep...as they say old(read bad) habits die hard. But never the less good amount of relaxation for body and mind.Sleeping would have been wonderful  but i actually could not do much about it.


While I was trying to sleep my head was so totally full of all kind of thoughts...my test..my test result..memories which i cherish...people whom i love and people whom i lost.I am no yoga guru I have no control what so ever on my thoughts..I simply could not ask my mind to stop...because i like doing this too...i give this bribe to myself that if i study for whole day and complete a target daily i will allow myself to taste the sweetness of memories....and to plan for future.Today it was a special treat because it is a weekend :) .My way of enjoyment.....more liberal i was in my thoughts and the hours to be spent.....although i never wanted this whole night to pass like this...but genuinely  i counted around thousand sheep but  sleep told me to FCUK OFF :P :D....


I was smiling when i thought of all the things which i wanted to do......like my name becoming a "noun"...how would i react when my name is there in the list( the same way a new actor in film industry plans her speech  after winning oscar in her very first movie)....whom all i will invite etc etc....of course main sochne me kabhi kanjusi nahi karti :P .....


certainly there had to be a guy.....(because whenever we girl imagine about our dream world...we are conditioned throughout our lives that it has to have a prince charming otherwise it cant be the dream world) and yes these days my prince charming is none other than Mr. A. felt good...when i was lost in his thoughts....memories were too less so the imaginary part was bound to be higher.....i wanted to go on a world tour.... :) 


suddenly the wicked part of my mind which was for some time sitting idle...came out with something phenomenal.... a simple question....enough to make me ponder over it for hours and then finally getting out of months long emotional honeymoon.
Question it asked was :  is it not  possible for u to put a limit to a open ended set ??..and moreover it is not sensible either...
well what it meant was there are so many things in this world about which i don't even know...there cant be a dearth of prince's in the world.....
All this is a question of  definitions....eg. A stone with a different definition becomes the much beloved diamond !!!!!  and further if we put some faith and love in it... it actually becomes THE GOD....
thats how things are.....thats how world changes..just with slightest of definitions and emotions...
So I changed the definition of my heaven....My heaven will now consist of the better version of myself and not the so called better half of mine....no I am not a half human .....and for sure i do not believe that somebody can compliment me better than my achievements. 


I stretched the things a little further...i was cribbing about being alone from so many days...all the people with whom i talk must have been frustrated because of these complains.....then i thought about the way God has created nature...
I thought about the strongest of creatures....A lion for eg...always stays alone.... does all his work alone...i guess it explains why he is THE KING and not some jackal.
I thought about the Eagle....it never moves in groups...its always alone....no wonder he rules the skies and not pigeons..


I finally decided to "say enough" to my admiration for some people.....yes you may be a demi God...yes you may be too good....yes you may be irresistible....you may be the best person i have ever met...but how does it matter ?? It actually does not matter my dear....now i have realized it.. and i will never allow this feeling to leave my head....
It made me feel so good and so light.....I cant lose myself for anyone...not at any cost....because it is I not world that matters.....

conversations of few wicked minds* :)

A girl called up her ex "boyfriends" after watching the movie Pyaar ka Punchnama(PKP)...She had to make 2 phone calls as this was the number of boyfriends she had. :) 
Here are the conversations .....
1st one (Mr.A..) Girl : hello hero....kya haal chaal...
Mr.A.. : heyyyyyyyyyyy m gud.......was waiting for ur phone call since ages...thot would call u once you are done with your exam...have lot to tell u ....hey raam main to khud hi shuru ho gaya...sorry forgt to ask ki "aapne" yaad kaise kiya...
Girl : tune wo movie dekhi hai PKP ??
A: haan dekhi hai...achi thi ....kya hua??
G: i just wanted to ask that which of the three witches i m closest to :P ...
A: haaaaaaaaaa baby paagal hai kya......how can u even think of it..... agar aisa hota to main ab tak aapke piche na pada hua hota :P ....:D...
G: maska mat maar...sahi me bata....ab line maarne wale jamaane ja chuke...
A: are yaar aap b na....kuch b bolti ho....mujhe sirf itna pata hai ki u are one of my bestest friends....and the only ex with whom I am on talking terms....
G: aahh thnk u ...u made my day  :P ....
A: acha ye sab chodo ....m coming to India in November....and uske baad will go for India bharman with you and other friends.... bada time hua masti kare.....i so miss the good old days....ab saala paisa hai to dost nahi hai na hi time hai... .
G: acha abhi bbye.... will talk later....mom ka phone aa raha hai ....
A: ok ok...u tk cr...all the best...




2nd one ( coincidntly he too is Mr.A)
 A: Hey.... long time....
G: hmmm was kindaa busy....
A: haan wade log...wadi baat...
G: ohhhooooo dont start it again... :) ...aur bata hows work ?
A: mat pooch ....lagi padi hai....work load way more then evr....
G: tell me something new u inefficient moron :D...
A: haha very funny,....
G: hav u seen dat new movi ?? pkp ??
A: ya i did....dar mat kisi ladki ke sath nahi gaya...laptop pe dekhi thi....
G: as if it matters to me :D
A: as if it doesnt :) .....as if i dont know u ...
G: ya ya watevr....acha i was askin ke main un 3 me se kon si ladki jaisa behave karti hu??
A: aahhhh great....isse acha to madam kuch pooch nahi sakti thi...tum kaisi baate karti ho??
G: itna panic mat maar...jo pucha wo bata....
A: kya bakwaas hai....mujhe aise quiz ka part nahi hona....anyways... mujhe tum se kuch jaruri kaam hai 
G: mujh se kya kaam ho gaya tujhe?? matlab hadd hi ho gayi :D...
A: cousin ki shadi hai...shoping karne sath chalna...tum chalogi to "jaldi nipat" jayega 
G: kk kool....badle me mujhe kya milega??
A: long drive pe chalte hain....main ghar se bike utha laaya tha last weekend...
G: sahi hai....m in...
A: aur haan ek naya sports baar khula hai yahan kahin ..hav heard it is gud...M.U. ke agle match me u please join me...
G: sahi hai beta.....sounds koollllllll...
A: dats like my darlo :) 
G: u dint answer my question though... :( 
A: dint i ?? i guess i made it clear a lot many times in 3 years :) ...
G: aaaaahhhhh mr smarty....acha ab gtg....kaam hai...
A: haan madam ham hi velle hai...
G: ya ya ya....watever...by the way I like the zoo zoo adds  nd nt dat stupid abhishek :P 
A: did i tell u dat i hate u wen u do this...
G: as if  .. :P  ....chal anyways....c u ..bbye.. 




P.S. well the girl did feel good....she thought...i wish i could use it as testimonials before my new relationships... :P 


* "conversation is purely fictitious....any resemblance with living person of place is purely coincidental !!!!! "

understanding or memorization

When do we memorize ? My answer is whenever we cant understand a thing we try to memorize it .... of course this assumption and argument holds true only for things which are repetitive in nature. I will quote some examples..
We don't really know the universe and most of natural patterns so we memorize it. Sun rises in east we memorized it earlier than we had explanations for it.
Almost every natural phenomenon we know are a result of our experience and consequently   it becomes our knowledge. One more thing we can infer here is we do not know what we have not experienced.
Now I would like to relate these natural phenomenons to understand human beings. As we humans are inalienable part of nature we must be following some kind of pattern. Of course things vary from human to human and situation to situation.
So for example if somebody/something makes you happy/sad at a point of time ....and after some time you land up in same kind of situation but it does not yield the same result than there can be two probable  reasons : 1. you are not the same person. 2. situation is not same which it may seem to u .
At least now you can be sure of the reason if you analyze it this way.


Now lets take example of a human being whom we are not able to understand but we want to do the same.....what should we do ?? My answer is try to "memorize" him....if you know him long enough than it will be easy to predict him.Now we can get over with the handicap of not understanding him. You are having the edge because he does not know what you are up to. It will save you from lot many heart breaks.


Hope it helps.... :)  cheers :) 

not a poem...series of thots....

sach to hai ki zindagi kabhi kisi ke liye rukti nahi...

par haan kisi ka hona ya na hona iski raftaar jaroor badal deta hai..

ek safar hai ye jisme kuch cheejo ko ham sath leke chalte hai bewajah hi ...

aur kuch hote hai jo jaruri hote hue b piche choot jaate hai...

ek tu hai jiska sath na hona b mehsoos hota hai...

aur ek ye duniya hai jo saath hoke b mahsoos nahi hoti...

koi hai jo aata hai ek hawa ke jhonke sa...thakaan mitane ke liye...

aur koi tufan aata hai piche dhakelene ke liye...wajood tak ko hila deta hai..

jaroorat teri kuch jyada hi hai..isiliye khuda se har roj maangte hai tujhe..

itna agar khud ko ya khud ki khushi ko maanga hota to shayad khuda b maan jaata...

tujhe mera kar dena kya khuda ke bas me nahi ?? 

fir sochti hu wo mera maseeha hai shayad isliye aisa nahi karta...

tu mujh se door hi rahe to acha hai....

kyunki main kho jaati hoon tujh me aise jaise boond zameen me aur  nadi sagar me....

tu mujh se door hi rahe to acha hai ....

kyunki fir kuch behtari ki umeed nahi rahti jindagi se...

jitna upar main uth jaun jindagi me ...samajhna utna jyada mera pyaar tha tumse...

jitni door main chali jau ...samajhna utna jyada mera pyaar tha....

kyunki tum yaad itne ho ki bhulane ke liye itna karna padta hai...

tum to mujh me baste the kabhi....isiliye khud se door jaane ki naubat b aayi hai kayi baar...

tere jaane ke baad dil jo pathar hua...us pathar ke rone ki awaaj b aayi hai kayi baar...

yaad aayegi teri mujhe har pal....pata hai mujhe is baat ka...

par wo mujhe rulayegi kitna ye badal jayega....

main tujhse pyaar karungi hamesha....

par dikhaungi ki nahi ye badal jayega....

insaan badlega ya to kabhi...ya fir uska naseeb badal jayega....

food for thought....my way :)

1. Men always claim to be intelligent than  women but at the same time they crib about the complexity of women i.e. they say that they can never understand women. At the same time women who are considered dumber  know men so precisely that they can predict their actions, a "women" even at age of  10 knows how would a "men" of 12 or 90 would behave. It is let me remind you not the consistency of men but the observation of women.Because a women who have not met many men in her life or of young age also knows a lot.


2.If you find my language confusing......try reading Indian Constitution..


3. Who so ever says math is easy and philosophy is tough ...simply have a lower "human quotient".


4. You can know yourself way better if you stop thinking about yourself  the way others have prejudiced.


5. Time can definitely heal everything but somethings leave a scar  on skin/heart/mind.


6. If a girl is worried about her undone hairs,eye brows,upper lips, waxing etc etc.....believe me a women is loved and admired for the very fact that she is women ....you need not put that much effort....and that too for some one who does not even know what these things stand for.


5. Once a friend said" this guy is so good...but i do not get that"mine" feeling for him,my ex was way less than him but i got that "mine" feeling...do not know what to do...". I replied " I can conclude two things from this statement (a) You do not get "mine" feeling from good things.(b) The things which are yours are not good. 


6. last one mine favorite....


"I guess God wanted to act like Ian Flemming  for some time ....and during this phase... he wrote my life and yes you guessed it right "  :) :) 

zindagiiiii

wo shakhs jo mere dil pe hukumat karta tha kabhi....
wo aaj is dil me jagah ke liye tarasta hai....
kuch us tarah jaise ki ek taaza gira phool tahni ko tarasta hai....
kuch aise hi jaise toota tara aasmaan ko tarasta hai
kuch fakeer ban ke paa jaate hai wo 
jin khushiyon ke liye wo baadshah  ban ke tarasta hai...
kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki khuda b khuda hone ke liye insaan ko tarasta hai...
 khush rahiye har us nemat se jo mili hai aapko jindagi me...
yaa fir us murde ki sochiye jo saans ke liye tarasta hai...
har chahat poori ho jaaye jis insaan ki....
wo b kisi "chahat" ke liye tarasta hai..
insaan b ajeeb hai...aaj ko jeeta nahi kabhi poori tarah 
fir b aane wale kal ko tarasta hai...
hansi aati hai dekh ke ...fir aankhen nam b hoti hai..jab dekhti hoon ki 
"jo kabhi khudi se na mila wo bhi "us" kisi se milan ke liye tarasta hai...
aag ke dariya me hai to fir pyaas b aag se hi bujhani hogi...
kyu tu bin paani machli ki tarah tarasta hai ...
ek mukaam hai..ek raasta hai..ek manjil hai...teri b jindagi ka...
bas jo theek hai wo tere galat na ho jaane ko tarasta hai...
aage badh ....uncha uth....pair hai jo chalne ko tarasta hai...
aane de wo jajba rago me...tere ander bi hai wo lahoo 
jo ubalne ke liye tarasta hai...
bahoot ji liye tum naam ke insaan ki tarah
tere ander b ek khuda hai jo bahar aane ko tarasta hai..
jee le jindagi ki fir nahi milega kabhi ye pal...
aur haan jee kuch aise ki tujhe lage 
har koi shakhs tujh jaise jeene ko tarasta hai ....

Emotional Dehydration

I know it is fine to accept that I am still human and i do miss my beloved ones, but what if my beloved ones don't miss me ? I know i voluntarily withdrew from all the relationships to pursue a bigger goal, I accept that I am of the view that emotions and relations are impediments in my way, at least for now.
When I look around when I analyse; the only thing I am sure of is nothing actually matters.I am reminded of the famous poem madhushala..... yes the stars leave the sky but sky never cries for them.
Fall,autumn,winter, spring.....all are bound to come....destined to come.. we just cant ask almighty that I dont like this season to please don't let it come.
I wonder how and why we just want to avoid somethings like a bad phase in a relationship or the stage of being lonely. Nietzsche was right....anything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger. 
I have been wrong in asking for only the pleasant experiences,otherwise how would i knew that i have been in love with the wrong one ? Now at least I know that what kind of friend i definitely don't want.
We must tell ourselves that if we do not figure in somebody's priority list then he/she should not even be there in our options list as well. 
Its our life and we have to make decisions that we want to be the winners and hero in it or we want to be losers,cribbers and all what nobody wants to be but end up being one.
Yes i prefer emotional dehydration than moist eyes.I prefer to be stoic. I prefer u being non existent than not being mine. 
I prefer to be at the top alone than being with the crowd of losers at the bottom.I refuse to have tiny and petty aim of just being yours, no i have lots and lots of other things to aspire for.
Everything said and done...I am wondering that why i started writing this ?? Because you did what you are best at doing : "tried to hurt me". You know how much I loathe ignorance and thats precisely why you do it. 
One thing is clear that we both know each other too well thats why we can hurt each other the most.
But my dear  enough is enough , I am hurt but I am not suffering. This wound will also heal but it will leave yet another scar, now i take them as souvenirs of my lost battles...the battles which i must avoid in future....the emotional stuff which is not my forte. 
Yes your absence have not   killed me so it must have made me strong. 


" nahi ho tum wo jis shakhs ki mujhe talash hai...
 khudi se jo mujhe milwa de aise farishte ka pata chahiye"

few sarcastic quotes ...

Well whatever I am writing is a product of my mind plus the people I meet so I want to extend the credit here to the victims as well because they do get best/worst out of me .Few lines are in haryanwi because according to me thats the best language for this. Enjoy :) :) 


1. Is nonsense your staple food ??
2. Agar teri maa tujhe kuch mahine aur  pet me rakhti to tu shayad insaan jaisa lagta chuje !
3. Tu generally itna irritating hai ya aaj koi khaas effort maar raha hai ??
4.I am not your type,I am smart.
5. Stop your CHICK SHIT !!!!


to be continued ... :P :D   !!!!

one of my favourites

lil  child come to me..i can see dat u r sad...

lil child dont cry....i know da things wil change..

lil child dont be angry...u are too fragile for that...

lil child come to my arms nd feel da warmth...

u are too young to kill so many things wid in u ...

u r too blessed to allow hatred in ur heart...

lil child dont go away...oh angl sit wid me....

let me tell u a truth....no mother can hate her kid...

no mother can be angry for long...

yes u were not born out of my womb ..

..but the person u are rite now is born out of my love..

yes u hav sinned....yes u hav wounded me wid ur acts....

but as u know sins are to b forgiven nd wounds are to b healed...

oh sweet child dont b so sad...

oh u lil devil u apologize nd i forgive....

is nt dis da way for a gud life ?

oh my child i will leave u better of....

i want to give u da courage to live alone...

i want u to learn from my life...

oh my child i want to tell u dat 

u will always be loved for the good things u hav done....

nd my child u will be sentenced for ur blunders...

but dis is life my child...

nd dis is a good life....

thats how i describe you

there are so many things which i want to tell you...there is so much you should know....this is how much i miss you and  these are the things which make me miss you even more....

you are like my favorite song....which doesn't bore me even if i am listening to it the nth time....

you are like the butterfly which always is beautiful...

you are like a flower which never ceases to smell good....

you are like water without which thirst cant be clinched...

you are like my favorite t-shirt..doesn't matter how many times i wear it..it still makes me feel the queen...

you are like my  favorite food ...i can have it without the thoughts of any harm..

you are like the cloud which takes the shape of my imagination..

you are like the mountains i like...tall, strong,tough ...

 you are like my favorite subject...i never feel i know you enough...

you are like the cool breeze which always gives me goose bumps....

you are like my colorful pen which makes even the most boring things readable...

you are like my gym work out which exhausts me but still makes me feel good....

you are my favorite smell...i can identify you with my eyes closed....

 you are the face in my wallpaper.....

you are my favorite color...u make me feel relaxed...

you are the philosophy book which i want to read...

i know you are not there....i know u r illusion.....but i just want to tell you that this is how i want u to be.....

somethings which deserve to be told ....

It all started with my love for " something new".....was in mba last year,i promised myself that i will have a good time and i will let my self do the craziest things i have ever imagined once i get a job.
I got the job,and then i decided to date some prince charming, nobody in college was worth it so tried outside.As my friends know that for me its easy to make friends and people find me witty too, so it was not that big of a deal to get a guy. Finally managed to date Mr. .A.M who indeed was the kind of guy i was looking for; he had all what i looked forward to at that time.He was fair,tall,fit,intelligent,ambitious,sophisticated,rich,classy and what not. more importantly we dint have anything in common so i had the liberty to be what i wanted to be i.e. I tried drinking,smoking late night party which I never did before in my life. I thought I am in total control and i can let it go any time i want but obviously i was utterly wrong. i was madly deeply and totally in love with that guy.He was off course skeptical about somebody randomly bumping in to him and claiming to love him.

I did everything what i could to make things work, it was indeed a unconditional love from my side but things didn't work out. i broke up with him after three years of a horribly horrible relationship.I am always much obsessed with the idea of success in everything. I am a fighter I must  have what i want however tough it is to get it, i am ready to work as hard as it requires.But the relation was no longer there but still i continued with the silly thoughts of "being there for him whenever he needs".
In the meanwhile I tried to fill the void what his absence had created. tried to find solace somewhere else but it was tragic. I again ended up in a mess, a friend who was to close to me and too precious to lose claimed to be in love with me. Of course he knew everything and he still wanted to love me. It was a mess of worst kind. Had to be with him with the hope that he will understand one day that we were nothing more than friends and i have absolutely no feelings for him,but off course if life were that easy i wouldn't be writing this blog now :).

Good things also happened, i cleared my civil services prelims in my first attempt, out of 5 lakh candidates i was among the 12000 successful ones. I must tell you that there is no substitute to success.

Then came the worst of all phase,it was literally pitch black.I couldn't clear the next stage i.e. mains.I cried my heart out,i never shed tears but failure takes the hell out of me.I broke up with him just a month back,my result and then this friend of mine,i felt like killing myself,had no reasons to live. publicly down and out.

But then something happened,the master creator the God himself was concerned about me. so he sent a message that too a clear and loud one : the world is too good,too big and awesome beyond your imaginations.Get out of your well u little frog and see the marvels which God has created.

I am so full of energy right now and the best part is I have a driving force which is too strong to avoid. Now I know what I need,what i can get,and what I am capable of doing.
I am not regretting anything,am not cursing anyone,purpose of my blogs will be defeated if I do that.
I just want to tell you all that dont doubt whatever is happening,everything happens for a reason.

and yes if God with all his wisdom and love has created us then we must do something worth while with our existence,dont doubt God.....its a cardinal sin .

self love and self belief will definitly take me where i want to be,because its my life and I am the only one resoponsible for it.

I love u God for whatever u have done.

reasons

first thing first....why blog ? why at this point of time ?

answers are quite simple...because I do want to tell my friends and friend to be's ( :P) that whats going on in my life.

another reason lies with the fact that i am a person who loves to experiment with everything possible, i guess my experience can help people if they want to learn things without going through the avoidable pains.

so 3 cheers to all of us...who deserve to be loved...first  and foremost by ourselves and then the world may join in the list :)