It all started with my love for " something new".....was in mba last year,i promised myself that i will have a good time and i will let my self do the craziest things i have ever imagined once i get a job.
I got the job,and then i decided to date some prince charming, nobody in college was worth it so tried outside.As my friends know that for me its easy to make friends and people find me witty too, so it was not that big of a deal to get a guy. Finally managed to date Mr. .A.M who indeed was the kind of guy i was looking for; he had all what i looked forward to at that time.He was fair,tall,fit,intelligent,ambitious,sophisticated,rich,classy and what not. more importantly we dint have anything in common so i had the liberty to be what i wanted to be i.e. I tried drinking,smoking late night party which I never did before in my life. I thought I am in total control and i can let it go any time i want but obviously i was utterly wrong. i was madly deeply and totally in love with that guy.He was off course skeptical about somebody randomly bumping in to him and claiming to love him.
I did everything what i could to make things work, it was indeed a unconditional love from my side but things didn't work out. i broke up with him after three years of a horribly horrible relationship.I am always much obsessed with the idea of success in everything. I am a fighter I must have what i want however tough it is to get it, i am ready to work as hard as it requires.But the relation was no longer there but still i continued with the silly thoughts of "being there for him whenever he needs".
In the meanwhile I tried to fill the void what his absence had created. tried to find solace somewhere else but it was tragic. I again ended up in a mess, a friend who was to close to me and too precious to lose claimed to be in love with me. Of course he knew everything and he still wanted to love me. It was a mess of worst kind. Had to be with him with the hope that he will understand one day that we were nothing more than friends and i have absolutely no feelings for him,but off course if life were that easy i wouldn't be writing this blog now :).
Good things also happened, i cleared my civil services prelims in my first attempt, out of 5 lakh candidates i was among the 12000 successful ones. I must tell you that there is no substitute to success.
Then came the worst of all phase,it was literally pitch black.I couldn't clear the next stage i.e. mains.I cried my heart out,i never shed tears but failure takes the hell out of me.I broke up with him just a month back,my result and then this friend of mine,i felt like killing myself,had no reasons to live. publicly down and out.
But then something happened,the master creator the God himself was concerned about me. so he sent a message that too a clear and loud one : the world is too good,too big and awesome beyond your imaginations.Get out of your well u little frog and see the marvels which God has created.
I am so full of energy right now and the best part is I have a driving force which is too strong to avoid. Now I know what I need,what i can get,and what I am capable of doing.
I am not regretting anything,am not cursing anyone,purpose of my blogs will be defeated if I do that.
I just want to tell you all that dont doubt whatever is happening,everything happens for a reason.
and yes if God with all his wisdom and love has created us then we must do something worth while with our existence,dont doubt God.....its a cardinal sin .
self love and self belief will definitly take me where i want to be,because its my life and I am the only one resoponsible for it.
I love u God for whatever u have done.
