Tuesday 30 August 2011

Love ...life...mind..heart...convictions... u ..friends ...and me...

Good news for me...after a long time.... I finally managed to pass a exam that included maths... aaaaaahhhh what a relief .... seriously maths scared the hell out of me....but this time i did well not because now I am a champion in maths but the reason was very simple : exam was easy :) ....Yes I am talking about my civil services prelims..


one more thing i noticed is your happiness is not completely filling if your loved one or someone very dear to you did not fair well . My happiness and euphoria of result was short lived first because  my very dear friend who was way more intelligent and hard working than me could not get through and secondly I passed this exam last year as well... crossing the same milestone again is not that great of a satisfaction..not for me at least.


I tried to search for happiness in some lost causes ....lol it looks funny now...when u meet someone very dear to you after a long long time....8 months to be specific...lots of ups and downs in between but the invisible string of love/care/affinity existed. It felt good...very good indeed.... it felt like all worries were gone...feeling of sort of bliss...m not sure it was bliss or some hormonal phenomenon because i do not know the difference between the two. The carnival went on for a day.....and then something happened...something which broke my deep convictions...something which took away what all i had at that time...
a complete sense of disbelief....a sense of emptiness.... something or should i say the only thing which i claimed to be mine was not mine anymore....it belonged to someone else...I remember my pledges of fighting with destiny  if it came in my way of getting it....i remember my anger for the world when it tried to tell me that i can not have what i want...everything was in front of my eyes...a movie was going on...
Loving someone is like raising a kid....you love the kid with all your heart...you do not see anything wrong or bad in it....it seems nature's best gift...but the difference between a kid and love is...
a kid grows ....but love changes...it need not grow...it may diminish ....my love diminished with time....lack of time...difference of priorities....and many more complications made it fade away...i wont say it died its natural death...but it died for sure....
For me it was like my mother calling someone else her daughter...it was like my father telling someone else that i love u aalu ...it was like zulu and nikhil calling someone else their didu ....
Of course I was in despair.... i needed someone.....someone who can make me believe all is going to be well....i met a very good friend of mine...she is always there....i m so thankful to God for my friends existence..
I came out of the shock wave....i realized that my friends are all what i need.....
God always sends a angel in my hour of need.....i feel lucky...i feel blessed...thank U God...lov u

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