Mean it when you say " IT DOES NOT MATTER"

I tried to sleep early today...my schedule these days is of a nocturnal....i sleep around 5am and wake up around 1pm.But of course could not sleep...as they say old(read bad) habits die hard. But never the less good amount of relaxation for body and mind.Sleeping would have been wonderful  but i actually could not do much about it.


While I was trying to sleep my head was so totally full of all kind of thoughts...my test..my test result..memories which i cherish...people whom i love and people whom i lost.I am no yoga guru I have no control what so ever on my thoughts..I simply could not ask my mind to stop...because i like doing this too...i give this bribe to myself that if i study for whole day and complete a target daily i will allow myself to taste the sweetness of memories....and to plan for future.Today it was a special treat because it is a weekend :) .My way of enjoyment.....more liberal i was in my thoughts and the hours to be spent.....although i never wanted this whole night to pass like this...but genuinely  i counted around thousand sheep but  sleep told me to FCUK OFF :P :D....


I was smiling when i thought of all the things which i wanted to do......like my name becoming a "noun"...how would i react when my name is there in the list( the same way a new actor in film industry plans her speech  after winning oscar in her very first movie)....whom all i will invite etc etc....of course main sochne me kabhi kanjusi nahi karti :P .....


certainly there had to be a guy.....(because whenever we girl imagine about our dream world...we are conditioned throughout our lives that it has to have a prince charming otherwise it cant be the dream world) and yes these days my prince charming is none other than Mr. A. felt good...when i was lost in his thoughts....memories were too less so the imaginary part was bound to be higher.....i wanted to go on a world tour.... :) 


suddenly the wicked part of my mind which was for some time sitting idle...came out with something phenomenal.... a simple question....enough to make me ponder over it for hours and then finally getting out of months long emotional honeymoon.
Question it asked was :  is it not  possible for u to put a limit to a open ended set ??..and moreover it is not sensible either...
well what it meant was there are so many things in this world about which i don't even know...there cant be a dearth of prince's in the world.....
All this is a question of  definitions....eg. A stone with a different definition becomes the much beloved diamond !!!!!  and further if we put some faith and love in it... it actually becomes THE GOD....
thats how things are.....thats how world changes..just with slightest of definitions and emotions...
So I changed the definition of my heaven....My heaven will now consist of the better version of myself and not the so called better half of mine....no I am not a half human .....and for sure i do not believe that somebody can compliment me better than my achievements. 


I stretched the things a little further...i was cribbing about being alone from so many days...all the people with whom i talk must have been frustrated because of these complains.....then i thought about the way God has created nature...
I thought about the strongest of creatures....A lion for eg...always stays alone.... does all his work alone...i guess it explains why he is THE KING and not some jackal.
I thought about the Eagle....it never moves in groups...its always alone....no wonder he rules the skies and not pigeons..


I finally decided to "say enough" to my admiration for some people.....yes you may be a demi God...yes you may be too good....yes you may be irresistible....you may be the best person i have ever met...but how does it matter ?? It actually does not matter my dear....now i have realized it.. and i will never allow this feeling to leave my head....
It made me feel so good and so light.....I cant lose myself for anyone...not at any cost....because it is I not world that matters.....